Rabbinic counseling and the decision to move to Israel

Rabbinic counseling and the decision to move to Israel

 

For years when I asked rabbis their opinion on whether I should move to Israel, I received two types of responses. The Modern Orthodox rabbis always excitedly said to go as if there were no factors in the decision. It could only be good. They wish they could go. Yeshivish rabbis would only ask, “Can you earn a parnassah there?” That seemed to be the only issue that they knew of.

But there are so many more. “Do you speak Hebrew?” would be a good question. You cannot function in a society whose language you don’t speak. If you are above the age of forty, you aren’t likely to learn conversational Hebrew, and you will not be able to earn a decent parnassah if you don’t speak Hebrew. Thus, the question about Hebrew goes with the question about parnassah. Many olim take essentially sweat shop level jobs, working American hours for minimum wage, sometimes at home on the Internet (in front of their children who get drawn into the Internet) because of their inability to speak Hebrew. The nerves wear thin when you can’t read leases, utility bills, or scary letters from the government, not to mention being unable to help children with their homework or have a conversation with 90% of the people you meet.

Another question is, can you deal with Israelis? Go to Queens and spend some time around Israelis and determine if you can handle their aggressiveness, argumentativeness, and extreme views. You can’t move to Latvia if you don’t like being around Latvians.

Can you deal with religious extremism? In Israel, the Dati Leumi or Modern Orthodox are to the left of Teaneck, and the Haredim are of the no-secular studies, no parnassah, no blue shirts variety. If you are a middle of the road kind of person, you can feel very lonely here.

Can you deal with militarism? There are soldiers everywhere. This can be an off-putting sight for a New Yorker or Californian. America has a big military, but it’s not part of daily life in Jewish parts of the country. In Israel, the military might close roads or declare a region off limits for the week. Clocks show military time, and people are militaristic, i.e. bossy. Fighter jets fly overhead every day. The news is full of articles about the army, war, and soldiers getting killed or maimed for life. Over the last one and a half years, over 850 soldiers have been killed and Zahal Disabled Veteran Organization is expecting 20,000 permanently disabled soldiers! (Times of Israel)

Are your kids above the age of 3? If they are, don’t go. It’s too late. The adjustment puts them at risk. Even those who learn to speak decent Hebrew often feel uncomfortable speaking it. Even children of Anglo families who are born in Israel oftentimes find interaction with Israelis to be unsettling and try to avoid them, as if that’s possible. Olim parents sit in their tiny Anglo ghettos and don’t have to deal with the general society nearly as much as their children do. The parents don’t sit in Israeli schools and deal with the bullying, not just of the other students but some of the teachers. Shouting is frequent. The schools like everything can be militaristic. Children who don’t grow up with that, aren’t likely to be able to adjust to it. It seems at times that every family of olim has a child who is struggling or off the derech. If your child is aidel (gentle), then all the more so, this is not the place for him or her.

Can you deal with the small size of the place? The country starts effectively in Beer Sheva. South of there is a desert. It’s a two-hour drive to Haifa, another hour to Lebanon. That’s the length of the country. The width is one-hour. And even within that limited space are all the dangerous parts that you must avoid. If you are Haredi you’ll probably want to avoid all the anti-Haredi parts which is most of the remainder. You will find yourself going to the same places over and over again, particularly if you don’t have a car. Will you feel boxed in? News alert: happiness is a factor in life. Sad-faced religious parents don’t inspire children to pursue Orthodox Judaism.

Can you deal with the huge drop in standard of living? In Israel, housing is three times the price of most of America, and that’s for small apartments. For equivalent housing, it’s more like six times the price. Cars are double the price as is gas. Yet, income is less than a third of what Jews typically earn. For olim it’s even less. Can you live in a small space, without a yard. Kids have no room to play and frequently get into fights. Can you manage without a car, riding the bus, and waiting for the bus in the heat. Can you deal with junky products and limited selection because that’s what you get in Israel.

Are you Yeshivish or Chassidish? Historically, your sons had two options, the military, which the gadolim tell them to stay clear from, and learning Talmud all day and night to maintain their draft exemption. Will they be productive? You can destroy a boy by putting him a situation that’s not appropriate for him. Is your son a learner or should he be working? The Israeli government won’t let him work.

But even that difficult choice is moot for officially there is no exemption anymore. The court nullified it. The government is coming after everybody, may HaShem save us. Can you handle that? Israelis are built like Brillo pads, so the strain and worry doesn’t bother them quite as much. If you are a nice law-abiding American, Canadian, or Englishman, the strain can kill you.

Do you have medical issues? The medical care in Israel is noticeably inferior to that of the USA. You can wait six months to see a surgeon here, four months for an MRI. Most procedures take place only in a hospital, yet many large cities lack hospitals. With medical care in particular, after you move to Israel you realize how good you used to have it.

Do you have family and friends in chutz? Being a world apart geographically puts tremendous strain on people. Ah, you are thinking that moving to Israel is “going home,” yet you might find yourself deeply homesick for the people you care about or simply can relate to. You aren’t likely to replace them in Israel. You’ll be lucky to get a Shabbos invitation now and again.

Can you handle all of the fighting between groups, even religious groups? In chutz, there is strain, but there is plenty of cordial intermingling and overlap. In Israel, it’s a war, and the war party with the most power is the anti-religious one. They run the country. No, you are not necessarily “coming home” when you move to Israel. As Rabbi Avigdor Miller said, it’s a “double-golus” in Israel.

These are some of the factors. There are many more. You want to say that this is all negative? There are positive aspects to the place that you have heard about in exaggerated fashion a thousand times. You don't need me to talk about them. If they don’t outweigh the negative ones for you, then you best stay where you are.

Rabbis Moshe Feinstein and Joseph Soloveitchik held that living in Israel is an optional mitzvah even according to the Ramban. It is not an obligation. Rabbi Soloveitchik explained that mitzvos are no better if done in Israel. Thus, the wearing of tefillin in Greenland, is just as effective as wearing them in Israel. So, the question is will you lose mitzvos by moving to Israel? Many people have less time for Torah study and less resources for chesed and find that their middos decline. Overall, they are less productive and happy. Many are miserable. For some, this is not the case. It depends on the person. Rabbi Soloveitchik and the Lubavitcher Rebbe counseled people to live where they can function best as a Jew. 

Rabbis need to know about all this to counsel people. Just as they need to know basic laws of kashrus, they need to know about specific issues in the huge decision of whether to move to Israel. It’s a decision that is difficult to reverse, so it must be made with extreme care and good counsel.